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Sunday, February 08, 2004
Timberlake Unleashes A Weapon of Mass Ventilation
Last week our living rooms were invaded by not only the usual violence of the Superbowl but "Shock and Awe." The shock and awe, of course, is what happened during the half-time show. The exposing of Janet Jackson's almost football sized mammary.There have been cries that we need an investigation. I agree. Why you ask? The intent I believe, is that both breasts should have been exposed. But only because that outfit was made in an offshore sweatshop employing young children working 20 hours a day, did we have what Justin Timberlake called "a wardrobe malfunction." Did you see the disappointment on his face when only one breast was exposed?
It's been said that there should have been an expectation of what would happen during the half time extravaganza. Everyone from the president of CBS and the NFL commissioner said they watched the rehearsals all week long and there was no indication of what would soon be the talk of the superbowl. After all, the half time show was produced by MTV! Just watch MTV for a few minutes. You'll observe scantily clad young ladies and men grabbing their crotches. And all this time I thought crotch grabbing was only allowed in Major League Baseball. If you've watched MTV, you don't have to be Albert Einstien or Isaac Newton to figure out what kind of raunch would be on display. Why didn't anyone see this coming? George Tenent, Director of the CIA, blamed it on the CIA's lack of resources. He said "we didn't have enough human intelligence on the ground."
Watergate types of questions are being asked because no one believes CBS' denials. "When did CBS know and when did they know it? "
As bad as this incident appears to be, could it have been worse? We've only begun to uncover the possibilities. Let's play what if.
What if were a different female? Brittany Spears would have generated more gossip because of her past relationship with Justin. If it were Calista Flockhart, we would have been talking about her eating disorder again.
What if the male in this duo would have been R. Kelly instead of Justin? Let's not even entertain that possibility.
What if the National Organization of Women voiced a protest about the ripping off of a woman's clothing? They've been suspiciously quiet during the past week.
What if the National Football League did have prior knowledge of what was going to happen? Could it be possible that they actually shared the technology with Janet Jackson? After all, the NFL did allow the use of the tear-away jersey for many years.
What if Victoria's Secrets starts marketing the Justin Timberlake Tear Away Teddy? Right or left models available. Accoutrement sold separately.
What would have happened if Ms. Jackson would have been stopped at the airport going through the metal detector? Would her Chinese Throwing Star have been confiscated?
What if in future football games we replaced the coin flip with the "ripping of the blouse?" Team captains would make their choice "right" or "left." This would give a whole new meaning to the referee's statement "call it in the air."
What if we go back to real entertainment that we knew in Superbowls past? On this day, the 40th anniversary of the Beatles appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show, I guess I'm asking too much.
Posted by Life's Little Observer
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