Life's Little Observations

An Eye(tooth) For An Eye(tooth)

I arrived at Doc Smith’s office promptly at 2:45 PM. I went to have a cavity filled because I had lost the filling. Remind me to stay away from the candy apples.

Doc Smith led me into the office and invited me to have a seat in his chair. Why is it that the dentist has to put you in a chair that initially feels good but then turns it into a carnival ride gone bad? He turned me upside down and my feet are way above my head causing my saliva to collect on the roof of my mouth.

He reaches over and grabs a pair of rubber gloves. As he puts on the gloves and the sound reminded me of being back in the physician’s office when I heard “drop your drawers and bend over.” With that thought in mind, he then inserts a finger into my mouth and touches every square centimeter. The rubber gloves taste like pencil erasers. The taste reminded me of grammar school when I used to chew the erasers off of the top of the #2 pencils having them dissolve in my mouth leaving me with an ultra nauseous feeling.

I was under the impression that when you want a cavity filled, something would go in a tooth. Instead, he put a sharp pointy stick into my gum and shoved, dug and poked. It was as though he dug into the tooth with picks and axes that would make West Virginia coal miners jealous. All he was missing was hard hat with the search light on top of it. As Doc Smith continued his excavation, he bangs on my tooth with a balpene hammer. It had the tinny sound of steam forcing its way through the old radiator pipes. "Does this bother you?" the dentist asks quizzically.

"No, this happens to me every day!" I replied. "Of course it bothers me!!!" He continues to bang. After more banging he says "uh huh.", more banging, “uh huh, and more banging and a final “uh huh.” With a very concerned look on his face he then says to his assistant "ok, lets go in."

"Go in? Where?" I thought. I hear the sound of all of his tools clanging as he moves them within his grasp.

"Don't worry,” he says, "this won't hurt me a bit."

"Don't worry Doc, I wasn't thinking about you."

"You may want to look that way" he demands as he points to the far corner of the ceiling. He then sticks a needle in my gum that seemed to reach my inner ear canal. I felt like saying, "you may want to look over there" as I thought of jabbing my elbow into his family jewels. I thought better of that idea since he had many more sharp objects in his possession than I did at the moment.

At times he had most of the equipment he owned in my mouth. Inserted in my mouth was a sharp stick, a vacuum cleaner, a hair dryer and a glue gun. If that wasn’t enough he had his assistant jamming stuff in my mouth so tightly that when I breathed the only sound that could be heard was a high pitched whistle which seemed to summon several dachshunds, a shih tzu, a toy poodle and a basset hound.

Now that my mouth is completely full of his dental apparatus, he decides he would like to have a little conversation with me. As if he was a stockbroker he proclaims "it's good that the market went up today."

I mumbled some incomprehensible syllables. He said "pardon, I didn't hear what you said." It was clear in my mind what I said. "The only thing that is going up is my blood pressure. Shut up and hurry up."

I could tell he didn't hear or care what I had said. He continued to use a jackhammer on my bicuspid. After the smoke cleared, he mutters "we're almost finished." That would have been encouraging but it was the fifth time he said it. And who was the "we" he was referring to? I was the street and he was filling the potholes.

After 25 minutes of my face being twisted, pulled and turned, he announced “ok, were finished, how do we feel?” I looked and him as if to say “we?” I’m in pain and you are $145 richer. We aren’t doing so well.”

And then, almost as an afterthought he cautions me “don’t eat until the novocaine wears off. I don’t want you to have to come back because you bit your lip and caused it to bleed.” I thought to myself “Yeah, right. I came here for treatment and I’m leaving like I spent 10 rounds being pummeled by Oscar de la Hoya.”

“Don’t worry Doc. I’m not coming back!”

Posted by Life's Little Observer

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This site collects absolutely NO personal data. In fact, we collect no data at all. However, if you have any data that you think is worthy of collecting, send me an email!

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An Eye(tooth) For An Eye(tooth)

Useless, Pointless and Meaningless Disclaimer: This site collects absolutely NO personal data. In fact, we collect no data at all. However, if you have any data that you think is worthy of collecting, send me an email! No attorneys were hurt or consulted during the preparation of this disclaimer!

An Eye(tooth) For An Eye(tooth)

Useless, Pointless and Meaningless Disclaimer:

This site collects absolutely NO personal data. In fact, we collect no data at all. However, if you have any data that you think is worthy of collecting, send me an email!

No attorneys were hurt or consulted during the preparation of this disclaimer!